Because we really do not want to hear the dreaded word again (Covid-19, shhh)
I have been quiet on my blog for a few weeks because I just haven't known what to say but I know now that saying nothing also isn't helping me and maybe you.
I am one of the lucky few that are able to WFH as is my partner, so we still have somewhat of a routine, we still have our regular income and therefore have a secure roof over our heads. So I have felt as we are in a better position than some what kind of person does it make me to complain right now?!'. However, the whole not complaining thing is why I am often in situations where I am dealing with my feelings alone. I have to see things differently, I am not complaining, I am speaking on how I feel.
I had my next post lined up, it had taken me some time to decide whether it is information I want out there in the world and the consequences that it would have on everyone around me and how it would read to you guys, ultimately the thought that it may help someone else speak out is what pushed me to write it anyway, I was gearing up to post it and then COVID-19 happened. What was a lot of too and fro and a lot of emotion put into a post is now frozen at the tip of my tongue, it just does not feel right given the pandemic we currently face, so now what? I was ready to talk about it and now I am once again sitting with it, lips sealed. One day I am sure the time will be right to share the remainder and the biggest parts of my story but for now I feel more comfortable sitting with them and focus on the here and now.
I miss my family, I miss my partners family, I miss my friends, I miss outside and I am often scared stiff with the fleeting worst case scenarios as I am sure we all are. I haven't written, I haven't worked out, I haven't cleaned my house back to front, in fact I have not yet done anything that Instagram would have us believe we should be doing, there was even a couple days here and there where I am not even sure I brushed my teeth. I have called my family less and less because I miss them too much and it hurts to not be able to be in their presence, my Mum has just lost her Uncle to Covid and I cannot hold her, but, I am coping. Albeit petrified that I am getting too used to the situation and retreating back to the peak of my depression which saw me without an ounce of motivation. Coping can look different to everyone. My medicine is still regular and my fortnightly sessions are over the phone but still happening, I am still engaging with work and I haven't cried (everyday), that for me is enough.
I don't want to ram a load of positive BS down your throats but what I will say is be easy on yourself, take this time to heal mentally, heal physically and to do whatever takes your fancy (inside your house or garden). I may get up tomorrow and do a work out, I may bake yet another cake and therefore eat another cake. Whatever I do may or may not be perceived as good for me but what is for sure is that I would have done what was best for me in that moment.
Take it day by day and please, do not feed the Unicorns
Comments