Not to be mistaken with like or love.
Trust comes in all shapes and sizes, one thing however remains the same in all instances, it is fragile and more often than not irreparable. I have struggled with my trust of others throughout my life, from colleagues to friends, from family to my partner and 'associates' alike. Recently I have been viewing others that display a lack of all round trust and it has encouraged me to take a look at myself and question how I myself can move past my issues with it. For me, I am working on no longer looking to trust that someone will not hurt me or upset me or make me angry or let me down etc but to trust their intentions. People will unintentionally hurt you, anger you, disappoint you, we are all human, we will do the same to people we love but where do we draw the line at accepting this and knowing the difference?
There has been instances in my past where people have gone behind my back and broken my trust, I immediately withdrew from my relationship with them and hadn't looked back however looking back on those moments now, in some instances I was probably a little harsh due to my own insecurities (more on this below) in others I can still justify my reaction because I truly believe they had ill intent. In recent history I felt someone wasn't there for me in a monumental moment. In terms of our relationship I have moved past it, I believe we have both grown from it and I value our relationship and what they bring to it more than I despise that moment, however as Leanne the individual, I haven't. I had shut down and was in Limbo with my feelings for a while, and I still have my concerns now. I think only time will heal our relationship however for me I truly believe they never intended to have me feel the way I did and that alone encourages me and gives me faith that we can at the very least try and move past it.
Trust isn't only down to others actions though, accountability is important here, my mistrust of others is also at times (AT TIMES, LOL) a product of my own insecurities and externalizing the paranoia that those insecurities bring. It is important that people know how they have made you feel whether it was intentional or unintentional but I am also learning to acknowledge , with them and with myself whether how I feel is down to how I took it, what the incident may have triggered for me and my self beliefs as opposed to believing that the person I am fronted with whom I trust words mean what I feel they mean rather than what they actually said, and as a result I feel like I have so much more control over my emotions in those moments.
If we hang on to our mistrust based on how others have made us feel or times that we have felt betrayed I really feel it could stop our/your own progression, taking a chance is scary, it's risky, and jumping into things blindly is not something I would recommend, weigh up the pros and cons by all means, but use your gut and trust your instincts. There is nothing you cant overcome.
On the flip side, once I genuinely do not trust someone's intentions then for me continuing to have them in your life leaves you susceptible to a hurt that I am not willing to endure for others benefit anymore, its lands you with some hard decisions but in the long run I truly believe if we have no trust we have nothing to truly build on. We can learn to trust again for sure but I can guarantee you if its involves me, our relationship will never be the same again.
P.S Please do not feed the unicorns
Comments