As mentioned on my socials, I have teamed up with my Sister In Law for this weeks post. Not only because she is my Sister In Law but to also highlight, that although married to my brother and in our family for a considerable amount of time, until I launched this blog we had no idea about each others Mental Health. I had my partner, my birth sisters and other family there for me in every minute but little did I know that I had a sister there for me that knew exactly what it felt like, we could've supported each other through so much. Talk, ask questions, dig deeper, you really never know what is going on with someone. Over to Nicole..... {Nicole} Thank you, me! Why would I be thanking myself? Seriously? I have spent most of my lifetime actually hating myself. From early childhood trauma to constant bullying I grew up with many very tangible reasons to believe I was not good enough. Toxic friendships/relationships in adulthood only further proved the point. My rap sheet includes (but definitely not limited to) general anxiety, social anxiety, low self-esteem, poor self image/self-worth and most definitely the dreaded ’D’ word: depression. After 10+ years of systematically taking antidepressants, I made the conscious decision to stop taking them and together with the help of my GP, began to wean myself off by dropping the dose down gradually. Gulp. It was so scary to lose that ‘crutch’ but very necessary. Whilst this isn’t for everyone (and I’m not for one second saying you shouldn’t take them if that works for you) I personally recognised that taking them was only masking the issues, not helping me to deal with them. I was relying on them to ‘fix’ my problems but not doing anything myself to effect change or grow. Instead I replaced pills with weekly counselling sessions. Something I’ve been offered many times before but profusely rejected for many reasons. It was so good for me. I had to really face myself (the good, the bad and the ugly), observe my behaviours and un-pack all the luggage I was carrying. Consistent counselling plus actively making changes and carving out time for wellness have helped me more in one year than the 10 years of pill taking EVER DID. Since then I have been on a journey of self-discovery and I have learned so much about myself; why I do the things I do, what behaviours are not serving me, and how to really begin to unpack my issues with an intention to understand without judgement instead of just berating myself everyday for not being like ‘everyone else’. Best thing I have ever done for myself so yeah, thank you me! *Feeling like an actual bad ass* :-) [Leanne} There is, in my uninformed estimate, 356,980,789,892 self help books and blogs available (FYI, I am not confident that I even know what that number says). They include everything from signing up to a gym and going ten rounds with Mike Tyson to yoga, from living off Avocados to getting wasted with your friends on a Friday night. It really is such a personal thing, there’s a science behind it yes, exercise does release endorphins blah blah blah, but in my humble opinion there needs to be a balance, it’s so important to do what is right for you in that moment. I take a minute and think what would be beneficial for me and more importantly once I pinpoint what I need I no longer fight it. I have days where my get up and go takes me out of the house, to work or to socialise and I have days where it gets me to the sofa, even days where it just gets me to a more comfortable position in bed. The most important thing for me is that I done what was right for me in that moment.
{Nicole} There is no one size fits all. Self help in my opinion is finding out what works best for you but also not being afraid to try other things too. The gym for example, not something I used to wake up jumping out of my bed eager to do. However, I recently started using a personal trainer and the only times that made sense were to go first thing in the morning before work. Anyone that knows me is laughing at that prospect right now because I am definitely NOT a morning person. But actually, I love it! The endorphins really make a difference to my mood and the best part is that no matter what happens that day, I’ve already started it off by doing something for myself, best feeling ever and nobody can take it away from me, even on their best day 😊. Eating healthily also makes me feel better in myself. I have more energy and it feels good to know I’m putting good things in. Your body naturally tells your brain how to feel so when it’s happy, it makes sense that the mind will be happy to. However, I don’t deny myself treats either. Rather than comfort eating a family-size bar of chocolate just because its Tuesday and no one can stop me cos I’m grown (lol), I use it as a treat instead. All in balance and proportion! :-) The trick is to find out what works for you by trying out lots of things. I mean, you need to do different things to get different results right? It may be that going for a walk helps clear your mind. You can even try a specific walking meditation (Calm is good for this) to channel your thoughts and practice mindfulness. This is something I thought sounded absolutely ridiculous but after trying it, it really worked and now I do it often.
{Leanne} Below are some of the tips myself and Nicole have received in the past and a rating out of ten for how realistic we feel it is to put into action and how effective we find it in the moment, please note these are my interpretation, as you can see they differ in some places or are the same in some places for me and Nicole please do additional research as self help really is a personal thing;
1, Mindfulness
In a nutshell this is stopping whatever is happening, or what you are doing and taking in what is going on around you in that very second, engaging all five senses: sight, hearing, smell, taste and touch. Taking in your surrounds helps bring you back to the moment and can really helps me when panicking or getting anxious about something in the future.
Leannes rating
Implementation: 3/10 - Hard to initiate when already in fight/ flight/ panic mode
Effectiveness: 6/10 - It does work, if you are mentally strong enough to let the sense come to the forefront.
Nicoles Rating
Implementation: 4/10 - not easy to do at first, takes consistent practice
Effectiveness: 8/10 - Worked well for me! Believe it or not forcing yourself to think about your toes (yes, really lol) can definitely help calm down panic attacks and refocus you on something other than what’s happening. Beginners can use free apps such as ‘headspace' and ‘calm' to practice guided meditations.
2, Reading/ Listening to music Self explanatory. When I am overthinking, stressing myself out or even being stressed out by external influences, reading or listening to music can really be a distraction, Now a distraction isn't always a good thing but it is certainly necessary in some cases, to me at least. It gives my brain a moment to rest, a moment to think of anything but what I am stressed about. The problem will most likely still be there when I am done but I am often calmer and in a better position to think more rationally Leannes rating Implementation: 8/10 - Funnily enough I find it easy to throw my hands in the air and reach for a distraction Effectiveness: 6/10 - After listening to music or reading a very 'easy read' book, my mind physically feels less tense and exhausted after Nicoles Rating Implementation: 8/10 – I tend to go through stages of wanting to read. When I find a good book then I actively use it as a distraction and it works well! When I’ve finished I often don’t pick another one up for a few months afterwards. I also find audio books a good distraction too. Often just feels like your hobby and not ‘I’m doing this to feel better’. Effectiveness: 10/10 – I have found using my lunch hour to read very effective at calming my mind and ‘get out of my own head’ for a while. God knows it’s exhausting in there! I tend to listen to soft music at the same time to drown out any other background sounds. My go-to music for this would be 'Chillhop’ (Youtube) or any smooth and calming instrumental albums. I find that regularly building this into my routine helps to bring a consistent sense of calm to every day, it often acts as a prevention rather than a cure. Which is a powerful habit!
3, Relax and enjoy it by Dr Robert Sharpe plus more mindfulness apps Relax and enjoy it is the title of two videos by Dr Robert Sharpe on YouTube. They were suggested to me by my therapist because my body retains all my anxiety, I spend 98% of my time awake completely rigid from tension, I cant even dance anymore! What is worse is that I am a teeth clencher so I was waking up with incredible jaw ache and headaches every morning, I now where a gum shield to bed and take it with me if I am going anywhere I feel will make me tense e.g. Car journeys with a few people etc (My boyfriend loves it haha). It is two parts, one you listen to in bed right before you go to sleep and a shorter version you listen to as soon as you wake up: Part 1 - Night - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=adMVjbCDu2c Part 2 - Morning - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9MvQ8FCnws The idea is that after a few days of doing the exercise you will start to be far more aware of when you are tensing certain muscles and then can consciously relax them. Leannes rating Implementation: 7/10 - I have given this a 7 as it is easy to turn on but it is tedious if you are anything like me then listening to his voice after day 2 or 3 makes you want to launch yourself out the window, but please persevere, I got others to do with with me on FaceTime or my boyfriend for support (he fell asleep) Effectiveness: 9/10 - I literally hear his voice in my head telling me to relax, I am no longer patronized by his voice and can feel myself physically relaxing, still got that mouth guard overnight though! As Nicole hasn't yet tried Dr Robert Sharpe below are her ratings on 'other' mindfulness Apps.
Nicole’s rating Implementation - 10/10 - Easy to use and there when you need it. I have personally used ‘Headspace’, ‘Calm’, and ‘Happy Not Perfect’. Effectiveness - 10/10 - I used Headspace for beginners meditation (10 mins per day) which really helped me to carve out mindful time for myself and get used to doing it. I tend to listen to Calm’s ’sleep stories’ at night time when my brain won’t switch off. Its my go-to every night and I couldn’t recommend it highly enough.
4,Yoga
I think most of us have a good understanding of what Yoga is, however I once saw a definition on Google that interested me, it said 'Yoga is a discipline to improve or develop one's inherent power in a balanced manner. It offers the means to attain complete self-realization'. I have highlighted the terminology that caught my eye and peaked my interest in Yoga, take from it what you will. However I must admit I haven't yet given Yoga a real chance, I have had a session here or there but nothing long term enough to make a real difference, it is on the list...🤦🤦
Nicoles Rating
Implementation 5/10 - needs consistency and willlpower. You need discipline to get yourself to the classes regularly, and even more to do it yourself at home (YouTube is good for that). But easy and enjoyable once you start.
Effectiveness - 9/10 - personally I have forced myself to go, once on an occasion when I couldn't be bothered and had a bad day. I turned up anxious, irritated and uptight. By the end of the session I was calm, happier, proud of the effort I’d made and for carving out the ‘me’ time.
{Leanne} - Nicole clearly says some 'me time' here but tagging along for my own motivation may have to be done
Journals / Planners/ Thought records
I find that writing down anything makes it much more tangible and therefore easier to analyse and understand. There are many forms of 'writing' so I say 'try them all', for no other reason than I once went to 'Art Therapy', the meltdown I had before the class was Grade A, however once I started it was one of my most enjoyable sessions, so please, try anything and everything at least once, I surprised myself.
Leannes Rating
Implementation: 3/10 - I rate it as a 3 because I really struggle to complete my thought records daily, if I rate it any higher my therapist will have questions! My procrastination is one thing about me that is always on top form
Effectiveness- 7/10 - now this will really wind him up. I know it works, I have seen and felt it work, once I actually do it.
P.S I have a very 'childish' diary that I would recommend to anyone, it contains diary pages as normal however at the bottom of each week, there is a inspirational section (that changes each week) for recording a little piece of happiness. These include ' I must not stop believing that', 'I will add more sparkle to my week by..' (I am sure there are more mature options out there but you know me by now, you cannot possibly be surprised that mine contains Unicorn stickers)
If you are like me, drawn to anything Pink, and fairytale like then here is the link: https://www.amazon.co.uk/My-Adventures-Unicorn-Weekly-Planner/dp/B0792GKFCN/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8
Nicoles Rating
Implementation: 5/10 - again this needs consistency but there are many guided journals that make it fun and easy. Doesn’t matter if you don’t do it everyday but works best if you keep the momentum.
Effectiveness: 8/10- getting thoughts out onto paper can work wonders. It’s almost like writing them down takes the heavy load off your shoulders and gives it a place to go away to. Some journals ask daily questions to promote gratitude too which worked well for me. Yes, I let out all my frustrations but I could also be reminded that good things happened that day too and I have lots to be thankful for. Puts it all into perspective which is a good exercise to do before going to bed...
{Leanne}
That is enough to get you started for now however any additional tricks and tips please feel free to submit them in the forum, we are most certainly open to new ideas, as I am sure others here are.
Please Do Not Feed The Unicorns
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