The first time anti-depressant medication was suggested to me I point blank refused them, the Dr didn't even get a chance to tell me what ones he was recommending etc. I really struggled with the fact I needed them, it was like confirmation that something was 'wrong'. I have never been on long term medication for anything, I was so petrified of becoming reliant on them and was equally as petrified of becoming 'addicted' to them. I was so adamant that I would be spending my days like a 'Zombie' and go from feeling far to much to not feeling anything at all. I literally pictured myself in a queue of people in straight jackets waiting for nurse to give them medication that has to be taken in front of her as I cannot be trusted (It's an Eminem video, cant remember what one, that has never crossed my mind until I saw myself as 'one of them')
I admit now that it was a totally uninformed fear, I had done no research into anti depression medication whatsoever and had no experience of being addicted to anything in my life, so having a generally addictive personality was not a concern. My thoughts could be deemed as irrational fears however talking about these things seems to be such a taboo subject that you do not hear about the success stories and only the most extreme 'unsuccessful' that often lead to the downward spiral of someones life.
I tried 'self help' (separate post coming soon) but the difficulty with that is, I was still so consumed by the depression and anxiety that I didn't have the energy to get up and put any of the recommendations into action. Yoga is all well and good but yoga in bed isn't a real thing. Eventually, seeing a consultant medication was explained to me like this 'If you have muscle pain that needs strengthening in the gym, but it's so bad that you cannot move, what would you do?' I replied instantly 'Take pain killers'. He stared, I stared, and then I got it, the medication was to take the edge of so I had the energy and frame of mind that would allow me to deal with the root cause... light bulb moment. I still took some time to figure out what I wanted to do next and the consultant gave me information on the medication recommended, I also shared the info with my partner so there was also someone with a clearer mind to weigh up the pros and cons.
I was still hesitant and my partner was hesitant, it felt like such a huge step, but I decided that I would be open to the idea and give it a try. I was prescribed tablets to take daily on a mild dose. Luckily I had no major side effects to the medication just that taking them on an empty stomach doesn't work for me, eventually there was a conversation about increasing my dose as I still wasn't as stable as I would have liked to be, or my Dr would have have liked me to be, I agreed and it certainly helped.
I still regularly wonder/ overthink whether I am in a better place now because I have worked on some things or because of the medication, and although I know I should be just focusing on the fact that I am OK regardless I am now at a point where in my next appointment with a consultant I would like to discuss weening of the medication. I get the sense that I am ready as I was like clockwork with my medication however recently I have been forgetting a lot and then having an overwhelming feeling to just not continue again. I am now just as petrified for the opposite reasons however I really want to get back on my feet and feel secure in the fact I am OK. No ifs, buts and maybes about it.
Any advice from anyone that has been through the process or anyone thinking of going through the process, sign up and let us know via the forum, help your girl out :0)
Comentarios