Firstly, to my partner now, I love you and I know you are the one I will spend the rest of my life with... you can stop reading now.
Up until my current relationship, I never really questioned what love in a romantic fashion looks like to me, I have seen many versions of love expressed in many different ways in my past relationships and in others. I was happy to go with the flow and figure it all out as and when. I now know that knowing what you want and then making sure a potential partner wants the same thing is imperative for a sustainable relationship.
My first love, oooo I am about to go there....wasn't true love at all, The end. haha. It was infatuation, it was my first physical relationship and it was the high school dream it was also my first experience of heartbreak. The relationship itself didn’t last long, but I held a candle for him for the longest time after (I am talking years) we had a mad connection so my mind would always revert to missing him when I was single (you know how we do girls). The feelings I had for him were as real as they could be at the time, they say you have three real loves in your lifetime. Firstly the love that looks right. This was that... in my mind. Looking back now it looks like the stereotypical 'young girl loves older guy, older guy loves that younger girl loves him but certainly does not love her' situation it really was. I wouldn’t change it though, I don’t regret it but I certainly don’t want it for myself now. I feel it was so hard to let go of him emotionally because there was a true underlying friendship and eventually respect there, however, many years down the line I could finally see why it wasn't meant to be.
The second love, they call the hard love, is where we give it our all and we make mistakes but most importantly, we learn about what we do want and what we do not want for ourselves in a relationship. What I learnt here is loving someone through thick and thin isn't the love I want, not when thin is being disrespected, controlled and used. ‘Thin’ in my opinion is he loses his job, you help him on his feet, he falls ill, you take care of him, he is struggling with something in life and you support him and visa versa, not you forgive him for anything and everything even when it is outright disrespectful because you are his 'ride or die', you need to know where you are riding to, what the long-term plan is when you get there and if he agrees that there are most definitely puppies in your future. The breakdown of this relationship hit me hard, it was a very long and very drawn out split, we probably separated about 3 times before the last time when I moved out for good (much to my Sisters relief, the 'please come get me' calls were a lot). In the end I was the one that decided to leave but it made it no easier. The great part is I really took some time out for myself, I traveled alone, I third wheeled dates like a boss and I partied (probably too much) and I also took with me some great friendships. I ended up single for three years straight after the split, with no interest in having that changed (apart from this one summer I was obsessed with the face of this guy, the crush was real haha) and it was the best thing to have happened as it lead me to my final love....
The love that lasts. I am lucky enough to be with someone now that I truly believe I have found my final love with. We are by no means perfect. He has his flaws and I most certainly have mine, however the desire to support each other whilst we grow as individuals, the desire to see the other one win and to proritise ourselves in order to bring the best of ourselves to our table (something I am still learning to do) has so far, nearly 4 years in, got us through some real 'bad patches'. His favourite saying when I am loosing my rag, which I went through a stage of constantly doing, is 'Remember we are wearing the same jersey, we are on the same team' despite being very likely to shut it down in the worst way at the time, I think that it sums us up perfectly. I truly believe in us, we share the same goals, we check in with each other regularly and have open and honest conversations with each other. Communication is key, you do not have to agree with each others thoughts and feelings but you do have to respect each others thoughts and feelings. We are not about who is right, we are about acknowledgement and then focusing on how we move forward...plus, he is tall, dark and handsome.
What is key to a long lasting relationship in your opinion? Is the way you treat your partner an example of how you would like to be treated? I am certainly still working on it.
Currently listening to; Angie stone 'Brotha'
Dedicated to Mr Simon Campbell, thank you for showing me what love is and for your continued support on my journey to a healthy mind, you are appreciated.
P.S Please do not feed the Unicorns
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