Or anyone else for that matter...please, I am literally begging you!
There has been a lot of press surrounding this issue recently with Facebook articles, magazine articles and a meme here and there, yet I still personally get asked the same questions in social situations all the time;
'Has he proposed yet?'
'When are the babies coming' often followed up with 'What are you waiting for?, 'Come on guys, get a move on' ETC
OK. so for one, if my partner had 'put a ring on it', even your grandmas 2nd cousins great Aunt Greta would know about it, she would hear my celebrations from here, also my ring would be approximately a millimeter from your eyeball by now, I will be 'that girl' on any social media platform that exists, Tik Tok here I come. It is tricky, I genuinely think it's amazing that friends and family and even strangers at times want marriage for us, I take from it that they see something special in us as a couple. However, asking me if he has proposed every time we happen to go for dinner at an above average restaurant or on holiday is upsetting for both me and then therefore him. I am totally calm about our relationship timeline until someone asks me and then all of a sudden 'he should've asked by now'. My immediate reaction to the question is a 'Oh no not yet, did you hear that babe, wheres my ring hahaha hehehe' etc. That isn't how I really feel, and it is not how I want him to feel, I am aware because we talk about it often that he has a plan, a plan that I do not want any details on, I want him to see it through, I bring him into the conversation at the time simply to take the attention off me as fast as possible and to refrain myself from crying and to essentially save me, and luckily he knows that and he understands so goes with it.
For two, some people simply do not want kids. More importantly there are so so many very common issues for couples trying to conceive and they shouldn't have to explain that to everyone over a pink gin and lemonade at every gathering (yes I have Gin and lemonade at every gathering, do not be judgey). It is really unfair to highlight what you feel is missing from somebody else's life, let me say that again, louder for those in the back 'IT IS REALLY UNFAIR TO HIGHLIGHT WHAT YOU FEEL IS MISSING FROM SOMEBODY ELSE'S LIFE', It isn't intentional, I know, but to me at least that is exactly what it feels like you are doing. If they haven't told you that they are pregnant then they aren't or they just aren't ready to tell you, it isn't something you need to ask, the news will come to you. I have cried real tears the minute I have left gatherings because of how the question, for my own reasons, makes me feel.
The pressure that these questions put on couples and even single people can be really intense and extremely stressful, they have created issues with me and my partner that aren't even really there, they are simply based on others expectations. At one point the questions were making me so anxious, I stopped attending social situations with him, I was feeling such a rush to get these things done. We know where we are heading we know what we want and its our business (unless I write it in a blog haha)
BTW If you know you have asked me any of the above in the past please do not take this personal, you weren't the first and wont be the last, my feelings towards it are an accumulation of my feelings towards the situation in addition to being asked, it isn't on you at all. This post is to hopefully make at least one person more conscious of how intrusive what is perceived to be a causal question really is.
P.S Please do not feed the Unicorns
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